From Within

For some reason I'm finding myself in a very contemplative state. While it's quite normal for me to walk around with many things on my mind. You know it's bad, when the guy two lanes over is gently coaxing you to get your head out of the clouds, so as not to hit a stray pedestrian.

Lake Poway, CA

Obviously, part of my sudden need for soul searching and introspection is caused by the whirlwind of changes that have fashioned themselves to my being. A month ago, I was in Chile, living among friends and family. Alternatively, a month ago the carpet was yanked from under my feet and I was stripped of the comfort that comes from being familiar with faces, places, and routines. I'm now underemployed, living at home, and facing a few impending medical issues.

Happy New Year! Jamarko's all grown up!

Trying to distill my exact emotions has always been a tricky area for me. However, despite the overwhelming feeling of pressure to perform --largely due to an untimely change of circumstances-- I don't feel anxious. Well, not completely, that is. Uncertainty, as far as I'm concerned, just is. I've seen its snarling face and fallen into its menacing clutches before. Yet somehow I'm not afraid. This time I'm not gonna worry 'bout it. I guess, it really does get a little easier, the older you get. Or tolerable.

It would be easy to complain, and I definitely have. Sorry to my ears out there, who have had to listen to me talk about those things. However, if it weren't for you, I wouldn't know how silly I sound/ed?

My new friend Angel, the hiking cuckatoo.

Gaviota Peak, por fin!!!

As I sit in the room that I once ecstatically proclaimed was mine, I can't help but wonder who lives here. After seven years of only residing in our house on the quiet cul-de-sac in Oak Park, for at best three months at a time, it all just seems foreign. The joy that I once felt when finally I had my own room, in our own house. Prior to this cozy residence, we lived in a little apartment in Clairemont. Prior to that, we had lived with friends, who opened their home to us, as we got back on our feet. After rearranging the furniture and fusing elements of childhood, college, and present my room is still a HOT mess. --Seriously, my room is the warmest/coldest in the house, how did this happen?! --I digress, but at least now it's my HOT mess.

Sunset in Santa Barbara, CA

In the meantime, while I network and scrap for job opportunities, I've taken to reading some pretty interesting books and enjoying the life I do have. Life's too short not to go hiking, dancing, or outside to feel the sun's sweet kiss.

 My predictions and hopes are that this year will be one of internal struggle and definition. Let's go 2014, I'm ready for you.

I love my slightly, off balanced life!!!