Identity Theft

Cold wind swirls around me as I walk down Bilbao street to meet up with a friend. Rain softly alights on my cheekbones. Is it rain or is it tears? Feelings come from above and below. Is it sadness or anger? Pride or shame? All I know is that winter is like a frozen hell...

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When I was somewhere around the age of nine or ten, I was playing on a futsal team with my first club team under coach Mario.—For those of you who know me as the sassy, wordy, confident Jameisha. That was not always the case. Jameisha Janice of the 90's and early 2000's, was a sap...—I ran towards my mother for comfort, after this really awful excuse for a human being teased me to the point of tears.
 

Fact: Rocked this hairstyle with 700 barettes all the way til middle school.

"Why are you crying?" asked my mother.

Through much gasping and sputtering I was finally able to utter, "B-b-because he was making fun of my hair."

"Is there something wrong with your hair? You know that boy is just trying to get in your head, so why do you let him bother you?" she chided.

I stood speechless as more tears gently moved with gravity towards the ground. I don't remember verbatim what she said next but it was something to the effect of, 'Sorry baby-g but you need to suck it up and start learning to fight your own battles.'

1990's-2000's

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Thirteen or so years later, at the prime age of 23, a different Jameisha saunters around. I'm growing better everyday. I'm finally realizing that my best advocate is me. I'm finally able to look in a mirror and think, "Wow, that's me!" I can confidently walk in front of a crowd of people and electrify them with my words. I have scrapped the word 'trying' from my vocabulary for the better 'I will'. "I want to be" is now "I am". I am beautiful. I am smart. I am tough and I will fight. Chile has only helped solidify these changes.

I will fight you and I will win!

But even now I'm not perfect. Even now after so many steps forward, I still backslide occasionally. I have always been and will always be a sensitive person. Luckily for me, as I recounted the latest malaise in my life to my mom, the same tough love was sent my way from Letitia Wallace. I laughed and jokingly said to my mom, "Sometimes I just want you to be wrong and I want you to just say what I WANT to hear not what I NEED to hear."

This week, maybe even this month is already proving to be a whole different kind of animal. In the last week I finally slipped into the clutches of homesickness. I didn't want to go to school but didn't want to be at home. An excess of free time and isolation made me long for California burritos, warm sunny days, and freedom to use an automobile. This week, I thought maybe I was wrong... maybe I should bow out in July at the half way mark of my service.

While being sensitive has some pretty obvious downsides, it's not all bad. I would much rather feel something than nothing at all. As I left my job at the YMCA, I received some of the best compliments I've ever received. A member came up and thanked me for being different than others my age, she thanked me for my compassion and genuine interest in her well-being.

It's hard to publicly admit that I'm weak from time to time. However, it's also useful. Every superhero great human in the history of superheroes humans has always had a weakness. Weaknesses aren't bad, however how we approach them is what sets most of us apart. Often times we give up before we have an opportunity to be great. We want to change who we are but we don't want to do the work.

Reading the Essence magazine that my mom slipped into the awesome package she sent me. I read the cover story on Janelle Monae, another twenty something year old. I had heard her song once, but I had no idea the person behind it. If you don't know about the artist who is wowing crowds with songs like "Tightrope" go look her up now, she's inspirational.

Janelle Monae

It's clear to me that Chile, despite it's challenges, is exactly what I need. My identity is changing in many ways for the better. I'm becoming a bolder, truer, and stronger me. However, the sensitivity that always threatens to destroy me, now fuels me. Although, this week I really considered throwing in the towel, my mom and Monae remind me that I've got work to do.

Remember, YOU are Beautiful!